WHISPERINGS
I lost my mother-in-law. Lost. It sounds like I couldn’t find her. Why do we use these euphemisms when referring to death? Why can’t we say died? It is always lost, passed, gone to a better place. We try to justify death by calling it something else. Are we trying to fool ourselves? Are we simply trying to cope with a loss that many times is impossible to describe? With the death of Dorothy, I did a lot of thinking over the days while preparing the funeral, along with a lot of observation. A couple of things were brought to my attention as those days passed.
As with everything positive, there is a negative. There is black and white, good and bad, bright and dark, yin and yang, Heaven and hell, life and death. We all know we are born, and we all know that we will die. Life is fragile at best. We have all experienced death and the sadness that comes along. We have all shared and cried, and held each other at those times. Not that I haven’t thought of these things before, but this event started me thinking about life and death – and just what does all of this mean. Not from the “why are we here” philosophical point of view, but more from what is the purpose of dying. What is the lesson? I believe that God uses everything to teach us something most everyday and it is our responsibility to understand, or at least realize the message. I guess what started me thinking was a small boy that questioned why God would take his Grammy so close to her birthday. I don’t have an answer, and I know that it is deeper than what one can explain. Death is difficult for a child to understand, and as adults, sometimes we don’t understand either. Some will look at death as an end, and that this passing was simply an end to a life. To others it is a new beginning.
While at the viewing, I spent some time speaking with the Pastor about the eulogy. Sadly, I had been to a few funerals over the past few months, and all I could think of was using this as a message for salvation, which occurred at every funeral that I attended. I believe that it is important to teach salvation, and a funeral is an opportunity to teach the message. I believe that it should be done, but still, I could not help but think that there had to be more than simply saying goodbye, and talking about salvation. That, in and of itself, is not a lesson.
I wrestled with my thoughts and tried to understand what God wanted us to do, and to learn. We held a standard church funeral the following morning. It was an incredible day - A day that Dorothy would have loved. The air was crisp, and the sky was an amazing blue. She had spent her remaining years in an area where she grew up as a child. It was a simple small southern Georgia town, and the church was a tiny Baptist congregation along a small road surrounded by nothing but open land and farms. A building that you would not even notice had it not been for line of cars in the front. It was a church where the pastor knew everyone and shook their hands as they arrived and left. While there were those attending that probably needed to hear about salvation, I think that sadness gets in the way during times like this, and the message is lost. Those attending that are not saved are probably thinking; “get on with it, I came here to say goodbye and pay my respects” and those who are saved, don’t really need to hear the message again. So the sad truth is that most are not even listening to the message. Most are crying, comforting, consoling. Many are thinking about their loved ones, or their life.
I thought back to the viewing and considered the laughter that I heard, and the good spirit that was so obviously present in the rooms. I began to see this event for what, I believe, God meant it to be a chance for a new beginning: an opportunity for us to change. I don’t mean salvation, although it is an opportunity for those that are lost. I mean simply - connection.
Matthew 22: 35 – 39
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.
I have always believed that the Bible is as important for what it does not say as for what it does say. Does that make sense? Of course, salvation is important – and necessary, but when Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment he ended with “Love your neighbor as yourself.” When you think of the difficulty of that simple statement, the intensity is shattering, and that is what I thought of as I watched the interaction at the viewing. I would walk through the crowd of friends and family, some I had not seen in many years, and listen to their conversations. The promises. Expecting the crying and sadness, what I saw was a re-connection of souls, and the sharing of warm, happy stories. I was there, in a funeral home, surrounded by death, and yet a peaceful feeling of joy and good spirit filled the rooms. Of course, there was grieving and sadness – tears and prayers on bended knee – and a lot of hugging and holding. But more important, in the next moment, you would hear the laughter from someone recalling a story of humor, someone asking for a phone number, or address so the contact would continue, or plans for a trip to visit, and a promise that they would stay in contact. It was God, alive and well, and at that moment, I felt God’s whisper; this is what it is all about:
Connection, Love, Friends, and Family.
It's not about death. It is not about an end.
As difficult as it is to understand sometimes, it’s about new beginnings, and new opportunities or reminders that God gives each of us to let someone know that you love them, and a chance for you to renew your life. It is an opportunity to praise our Lord in everything He gives us. We all grieve at the passing of a loved one, but rest with knowing that Paradise awaits them. We celebrate knowing that Jesus is there and waiting for them with open arms to hug and to hold. We know that God’s child is coming home. We know that there is a celebration in Heaven, so why wouldn’t there be a celebration on earth?
Later in the week, I was reminded of the lost lives of 9/11. Have you stopped to think about this tragedy and how it affected more than just people in New York? That while we grieve for those that went to work that morning in the Trade Towers, we also grieve for those that left their homes and headed for the airports across the country that eventually brought them to the planes that sent them to New York. How about the travelers on planes that went down in Pennsylvania, or at the Pentagon. I used to travel frequently, and I vividly recall telling our son that I would be back on Friday and we could go fishing or play ball. I vividly remember how I was dispassionate with hugging my wife and kissing her before I left, and telling her that I love her. Do I love them? Of course I do. But life sometimes gets in the way and you get busy. A shout “Goodbye!” A quick “Call you later!” Never giving thought that you might never see them again. Then I thought about the man or the woman that went to work that day with unfinished personal business on their minds and hearts expecting to solve those problems……… later.
Maybe they had an argument with a loved one, they were upset with their parents, or they were bothered by a comment they heard. I also thought of those left at home – the wife, the kids, or maybe the husband. The ones still living and having to carry on. I thought about never being able to say goodbye or I love you. I thought about the guy that called his wife on the cell phone and could only take a second to say I love you before the phone cut out. I thought about the quick note saying "I love you" that may have been scribbled on a torn piece of paper and tucked into their pocket so that someone may find it and provide closure to a loved one. I thought about what a simple hug or handshake, or smile could have meant to someone. I thought about how meaningless it is to be upset for more than a second. I thought about how I let silly, nonessential things clog my life and judgment.
I prayed.
My wife and I visited Dorothy a couple of weeks earlier at Christmas. She resides in a nursing home, and my wife knows how much I dislike going there. Actually, I should call it for what it is – guilt. I feel so depressed after leaving because of the loneliness of the place. Here are the remnants of society in a place where most have come to simply live out the rest of their lives. Sad but true. The nurses that work there try to make it a home. There are activities, church, but rarely visitors. I see the looks in the eyes of the residents and think about their families. The nurses made the comment on more than one occasion that Dot’s family is always there. I think that one of my fondest memories was a time when we arrived during lunch. Dot loved beets, and the nursing home was serving her favorite that day. As we rounded the corner into the dining room her back was to us. Someone made a comment about our being there, so true to herself Dot turned around with a huge smile on her face. The red coloring from the beets covered her lips making it appear that she had the biggest most red lips you have every seen. It was comical at best, but it was an enjoyment of her and her subtle humor. I can’t look at a serving of beets without thinking fondly of her. At the nursing home she was one of the rare ones that actually had visitors. Even on the last day of her life, one of her boys was on his way to see her. I really hated that she was there, but she required round the clock care that the family simply cannot provide. Her diabetes was advanced, and she required daily trips to dialysis. I will tell you however, that she knew everyone, and everyone knew her. As sick as she was, she always had time to chat and tell you about her family. When we were leaving she reached up from her chair and hugged my neck and said; I love you. I said, I love you too Dot. At the time, I didn't realize what those words really meant. I wish that I had hugged her a little longer. We were back in Georgia a short 3 weeks later.
In was able to see Dot one last time, and as I left the viewing at the funeral home with a final goodbye to a woman that was loved, I had a peaceful solitude that only God can give. Dorothy Jean Folsom lived 73 years. She was a mom, and aunt, a grammy, and a great grammy. She touched many lives, and was a friend to many of us. She was loved and she knew it.
So the next time your see your husband, wife, child, mom, dad, in-law, a friend, place your arms around them and let them know they are loved. Hold your companion in a silent moment and just enjoy the closeness. Place your arms around your friends and your family and promise to keep in touch – to visit – to love. Understand that through your giving, you are receiving. Understand that, as odd as it sounds, death is for the living to remind us that life is short, but we have eternity. Although we will celebrate again in Paradise, the time we spend here is what counts in our human form. God intended for His children to enjoy life and He wants us to live our lives to their fullest potential honoring Him is everything we do. He wants us to live without regrets, to love, to laugh, to cry, and mostly to celebrate His goodness. So the next time you come across a stranger, give them a smile and wish them well. You will never know the impact that you have. Go home tonight and hug your husband or your wife. Call a lost friend on the phone. Send a card, or write a letter.
Death reminds us of how fragile and short life is. It doesn’t matter if you are a newborn, or you live to be 100 years old. The loss is still the same. It is there to remind us that we should never put off to tomorrow what we can do today. If it were not there, then we would not have a reason to live or to love. Remember that if there were no end, there would be no beginning. So, what is life all about?
Connection, Love, Friends, and Family
As with everything positive, there is a negative. There is black and white, good and bad, bright and dark, yin and yang, Heaven and hell, life and death. We all know we are born, and we all know that we will die. Life is fragile at best. We have all experienced death and the sadness that comes along. We have all shared and cried, and held each other at those times. Not that I haven’t thought of these things before, but this event started me thinking about life and death – and just what does all of this mean. Not from the “why are we here” philosophical point of view, but more from what is the purpose of dying. What is the lesson? I believe that God uses everything to teach us something most everyday and it is our responsibility to understand, or at least realize the message. I guess what started me thinking was a small boy that questioned why God would take his Grammy so close to her birthday. I don’t have an answer, and I know that it is deeper than what one can explain. Death is difficult for a child to understand, and as adults, sometimes we don’t understand either. Some will look at death as an end, and that this passing was simply an end to a life. To others it is a new beginning.
While at the viewing, I spent some time speaking with the Pastor about the eulogy. Sadly, I had been to a few funerals over the past few months, and all I could think of was using this as a message for salvation, which occurred at every funeral that I attended. I believe that it is important to teach salvation, and a funeral is an opportunity to teach the message. I believe that it should be done, but still, I could not help but think that there had to be more than simply saying goodbye, and talking about salvation. That, in and of itself, is not a lesson.
I wrestled with my thoughts and tried to understand what God wanted us to do, and to learn. We held a standard church funeral the following morning. It was an incredible day - A day that Dorothy would have loved. The air was crisp, and the sky was an amazing blue. She had spent her remaining years in an area where she grew up as a child. It was a simple small southern Georgia town, and the church was a tiny Baptist congregation along a small road surrounded by nothing but open land and farms. A building that you would not even notice had it not been for line of cars in the front. It was a church where the pastor knew everyone and shook their hands as they arrived and left. While there were those attending that probably needed to hear about salvation, I think that sadness gets in the way during times like this, and the message is lost. Those attending that are not saved are probably thinking; “get on with it, I came here to say goodbye and pay my respects” and those who are saved, don’t really need to hear the message again. So the sad truth is that most are not even listening to the message. Most are crying, comforting, consoling. Many are thinking about their loved ones, or their life.
I thought back to the viewing and considered the laughter that I heard, and the good spirit that was so obviously present in the rooms. I began to see this event for what, I believe, God meant it to be a chance for a new beginning: an opportunity for us to change. I don’t mean salvation, although it is an opportunity for those that are lost. I mean simply - connection.
Matthew 22: 35 – 39
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.
I have always believed that the Bible is as important for what it does not say as for what it does say. Does that make sense? Of course, salvation is important – and necessary, but when Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment he ended with “Love your neighbor as yourself.” When you think of the difficulty of that simple statement, the intensity is shattering, and that is what I thought of as I watched the interaction at the viewing. I would walk through the crowd of friends and family, some I had not seen in many years, and listen to their conversations. The promises. Expecting the crying and sadness, what I saw was a re-connection of souls, and the sharing of warm, happy stories. I was there, in a funeral home, surrounded by death, and yet a peaceful feeling of joy and good spirit filled the rooms. Of course, there was grieving and sadness – tears and prayers on bended knee – and a lot of hugging and holding. But more important, in the next moment, you would hear the laughter from someone recalling a story of humor, someone asking for a phone number, or address so the contact would continue, or plans for a trip to visit, and a promise that they would stay in contact. It was God, alive and well, and at that moment, I felt God’s whisper; this is what it is all about:
Connection, Love, Friends, and Family.
It's not about death. It is not about an end.
As difficult as it is to understand sometimes, it’s about new beginnings, and new opportunities or reminders that God gives each of us to let someone know that you love them, and a chance for you to renew your life. It is an opportunity to praise our Lord in everything He gives us. We all grieve at the passing of a loved one, but rest with knowing that Paradise awaits them. We celebrate knowing that Jesus is there and waiting for them with open arms to hug and to hold. We know that God’s child is coming home. We know that there is a celebration in Heaven, so why wouldn’t there be a celebration on earth?
Later in the week, I was reminded of the lost lives of 9/11. Have you stopped to think about this tragedy and how it affected more than just people in New York? That while we grieve for those that went to work that morning in the Trade Towers, we also grieve for those that left their homes and headed for the airports across the country that eventually brought them to the planes that sent them to New York. How about the travelers on planes that went down in Pennsylvania, or at the Pentagon. I used to travel frequently, and I vividly recall telling our son that I would be back on Friday and we could go fishing or play ball. I vividly remember how I was dispassionate with hugging my wife and kissing her before I left, and telling her that I love her. Do I love them? Of course I do. But life sometimes gets in the way and you get busy. A shout “Goodbye!” A quick “Call you later!” Never giving thought that you might never see them again. Then I thought about the man or the woman that went to work that day with unfinished personal business on their minds and hearts expecting to solve those problems……… later.
Maybe they had an argument with a loved one, they were upset with their parents, or they were bothered by a comment they heard. I also thought of those left at home – the wife, the kids, or maybe the husband. The ones still living and having to carry on. I thought about never being able to say goodbye or I love you. I thought about the guy that called his wife on the cell phone and could only take a second to say I love you before the phone cut out. I thought about the quick note saying "I love you" that may have been scribbled on a torn piece of paper and tucked into their pocket so that someone may find it and provide closure to a loved one. I thought about what a simple hug or handshake, or smile could have meant to someone. I thought about how meaningless it is to be upset for more than a second. I thought about how I let silly, nonessential things clog my life and judgment.
I prayed.
My wife and I visited Dorothy a couple of weeks earlier at Christmas. She resides in a nursing home, and my wife knows how much I dislike going there. Actually, I should call it for what it is – guilt. I feel so depressed after leaving because of the loneliness of the place. Here are the remnants of society in a place where most have come to simply live out the rest of their lives. Sad but true. The nurses that work there try to make it a home. There are activities, church, but rarely visitors. I see the looks in the eyes of the residents and think about their families. The nurses made the comment on more than one occasion that Dot’s family is always there. I think that one of my fondest memories was a time when we arrived during lunch. Dot loved beets, and the nursing home was serving her favorite that day. As we rounded the corner into the dining room her back was to us. Someone made a comment about our being there, so true to herself Dot turned around with a huge smile on her face. The red coloring from the beets covered her lips making it appear that she had the biggest most red lips you have every seen. It was comical at best, but it was an enjoyment of her and her subtle humor. I can’t look at a serving of beets without thinking fondly of her. At the nursing home she was one of the rare ones that actually had visitors. Even on the last day of her life, one of her boys was on his way to see her. I really hated that she was there, but she required round the clock care that the family simply cannot provide. Her diabetes was advanced, and she required daily trips to dialysis. I will tell you however, that she knew everyone, and everyone knew her. As sick as she was, she always had time to chat and tell you about her family. When we were leaving she reached up from her chair and hugged my neck and said; I love you. I said, I love you too Dot. At the time, I didn't realize what those words really meant. I wish that I had hugged her a little longer. We were back in Georgia a short 3 weeks later.
In was able to see Dot one last time, and as I left the viewing at the funeral home with a final goodbye to a woman that was loved, I had a peaceful solitude that only God can give. Dorothy Jean Folsom lived 73 years. She was a mom, and aunt, a grammy, and a great grammy. She touched many lives, and was a friend to many of us. She was loved and she knew it.
So the next time your see your husband, wife, child, mom, dad, in-law, a friend, place your arms around them and let them know they are loved. Hold your companion in a silent moment and just enjoy the closeness. Place your arms around your friends and your family and promise to keep in touch – to visit – to love. Understand that through your giving, you are receiving. Understand that, as odd as it sounds, death is for the living to remind us that life is short, but we have eternity. Although we will celebrate again in Paradise, the time we spend here is what counts in our human form. God intended for His children to enjoy life and He wants us to live our lives to their fullest potential honoring Him is everything we do. He wants us to live without regrets, to love, to laugh, to cry, and mostly to celebrate His goodness. So the next time you come across a stranger, give them a smile and wish them well. You will never know the impact that you have. Go home tonight and hug your husband or your wife. Call a lost friend on the phone. Send a card, or write a letter.
Death reminds us of how fragile and short life is. It doesn’t matter if you are a newborn, or you live to be 100 years old. The loss is still the same. It is there to remind us that we should never put off to tomorrow what we can do today. If it were not there, then we would not have a reason to live or to love. Remember that if there were no end, there would be no beginning. So, what is life all about?
Connection, Love, Friends, and Family
posted by Steven LaBree | 2:48 PM
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