EVERLASTING

We are preparing to visit my Great Uncle and his wife. The trip is more for him than her in that we don’t know if she will know that we are there. Irene has been in and out of the hospital for the past too many years. I would guess that when you are approaching 90 years, that would be expected. Not too long ago, Carl, her husband of 40 some odd years lay in the hospital within inches of death. The Doctor had met with us and said that Carl would not be leaving because he was just too weak. My Great Uncle Carl was lying there without consciousness.

Surrounded by family and his wife Irene. We left, knowing that we would be back too soon to say a final goodbye. Well, that is what we thought.

Within a few weeks Carl was up and about, and soon thereafter, home again taking care of the love of his life, Irene. Soon, Irene was back in the hospital, out again and then back again. The difference this time is that she would not come home.

The last time we visited Irene at the hospital she was amazingly chipper. So much, that it made you wonder why she was there in the first place. I watched everyone around me-the interaction and talking, the sharing of the past. The touching and hand holding, along with hugs and the things we were planning on enjoying as soon as she went home. The one thing that struck me however was the love that was so evident between Carl and Irene. I stood there and watched my Uncle as he gazed at his wife. Each time she would speak, he would lean forward with anticipation to hear every last word, a silly "I am in love with you" grin on his face. Every once in a while she would, ever so gently, brush his arm. It was like watching a young schoolboy look at his high school crush. He was enamored by her presence. One would think that after so many years, that gaze would have worn a bit, but it looked as bright and shiny as the first day they met. I could not help but think how much they loved each other and how there lives were built around each other’s love.

It is said that there is a soul mate for everyone. I believe that Unc and Irene were perfectly matched.

All of this came to mind recently when my son and I were talking about marrying and settling down. He asked me, how do you know. I said it was simple. You will know the right person when that person is the one you have to be with. I know at first that saying, “have to,” sounds silly. You’re supposed to be in love! Saying, “have to” sounds like infatuation. Regardless of love, like, infatuation, and the like, it all comes down to this.

You have to ask yourself; is this person the one that I have to spend the rest of my life with?

Is this the one that I want to share everything with?

Every waking moment?

Every experience?

Do I need to talk with them?

Spend my time with them?

Do you find yourself gazing into their eyes and leaning towards every word that comes out of them?

Is it a thrill just to listen?

Do you get those goose bumps when they brush against you?

Could it be that this could be the best friend that anyone could have?

That is what I mean when I say you "have to" marry. It becomes as natural as your breathing, and as constant as your heartbeat. Both of you know that you cannot live without each other and that a lifetime is too short.

That is how I see my Aunt and Uncle. Both of them in such connection with each other that one knows the other’s thoughts. A love that is so comfortable, that “have to” is not an option. But how do you spend your life with someone and then have to say goodbye.

The Doctor’s said that she had a contagious virus. After being in the hospital so often, for so long of a time, it was bound to happen. The clinical name is MRSA (mersa) and at her age, and with her condition it was deadly.

Each time Carl would enter the room, he would have to prepare himself with a mask and gloves. He would arrive just before a meal was served in order to be sure that it was quiet in the prior hours so Irene could rest. Of course, there were the times where he would just sit with her and watch her sleep. Other times he would talk to her for short guarded moments, and other time he would pray. She was tired and in pain.

Prior to her last visit she broke her hip, and in her weakened state and surgery was out of the question. He had brought her home, but she was confined to a wheel chair. Of course, it didn’t matter much in that within 3 days she was back because she could not breathe well. They didn’t think much of it, she had been in and out of the hospital so many times, that it became routine.

This time was different.After a few days of labored breathing and pain, it was more than she wanted to endure.

She had a great life. They had traveled the country and seen more than most would ever see in a lifetime. Together they ventured across the country in search of new things to see and sharing every moment together. But after all that time.

After all the sharing, she turned to her loving husband and said, "Let me go, I’m so tired."

I can’t even begin to understand the feeling that Carl felt at that moment. I know that my heart felt as if it stopped and my chest felt as if a heavy weight was on it. It is such an uncontrollable feeling of weakness and vulnerability. On the other hand, I can’t imagine coming to that stage of life where you can let go. I can understand why. While most of us are not ready, even as Christians, I knew that Irene was ready.

The Bible says that grieving is a normal process and that we all will grieve. It’s okay to cry. I take comfort in knowing that both are believers and they know that God is in control. As mere humans, it doesn’t give you much comfort at the time, but knowing that life is temporary, and glory stands before us, we find the comfort that our bodies will be made new again and when once again we will be together.We returned a few days later to find that Irene was not in complete isolation. Granted, the virus was still inside of her, but the coughing had subsided, and it was relatively safe to visit with unencumbered of mask and gloves. We were able to speak to her, so she knew of our affection, and that we were there to take care of Carl.

Our blessings as humans was that we saw her and talked a bit. She was surprisingly alert. Something we did not expect. Of course, God works his miracles everyday, but sometimes we have to find them. There was no doubt that she was there for us, as much as we were there for her.

A rare blessing when you get to say goodbye to a loved one. During conversation, she would sigh and say, I would like to go home. Of course, we would think of home as where she lived. Thinking about it, perhaps she just meant home.

I tossed her a kiss as we left the room, knowing full well that it would be the last time. She looked at me and smiled. It was our goodbye.

Carl would visit her one last time just two days after we left. He was there as he always was and they said their last goodbyes. She drifted off, quietly.

Carl carried this poem in his wallet.

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered come with me. With tearful eyes we watched you suffer and saw you fade away. Although we loved you dearly we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest, God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best.