THE BENCH
It was our the day of the first year in high school. The last three years to be spent in public education. Living on the border of two cities, we had a choice of high schools to attend. We could have stayed within the progressive choice and remained within the city school system we began with. The other choice of school was actually in the city we lived in and it provided the schedule that we wanted. The choice was simple for us, however all of our friends that we had grown with through elementary and junior high school decided to remain in the natural progression of school districts. Of course, this meant meeting a whole new set of kids, but that was cool!
I had spent the last of the dog days of summer with Tommy and Pete exploring the neighborhood, surfing the beaches and just hangin’ in the Keys. Our last summer sun of innocence was extending beyond the horizon and out of our touch and for the last time, bidding farewell to our youth. The summer sun, where they learned about life, love, surfin’, and hangin’ had set for the last time and without warning it was gone. Pete was heading to Portugal to study for a medical career as a Doctor. He was a couple of years older than Tommy and I and it was as his parents wished. Tommy and I were about learn that there was more to life than surfboards, tans, long stretches of beach and cute girls in bikinis.
It was the time of culmination. The certainty of youth merging at an unrelenting pace towards the unrelenting reality of adulthood. We were in a time of opportunity that the world would probably never see again. We had come busting through the 50’s, and survived the turbulent 60’s. We watched the British invasion with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Survived Woodstock with Hendrix, Joplin and so many others that have left us with just their songs. We watched as President Kennedy was shot in Dallas and cried with the First Lady. We witnessed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. speak of the prayer of coexistence of all races, all religions, and all cultures and only then would we know true freedom. We watched intently as Apollo 11 landed on the moon. The first lunar landing. Sadly, we lost too many of our loved ones in the Vietnam War. We had grown through the decades and the curtain was closing on the 70’s. It was time to move on. Some of our heroes and legends followed us, others remain forever in our memories.
We were growing up, as they say, in what would be a flash of time, high school would be gone, childhood lost, and innocence abandoned. Our lives were about to change forever. On to college, on to careers, or on to work at the burger counter. It was our choice. But there they were, two friends that swore allegiance to friendship forever finishing up our first day and headed to the bus bench and back to home.
It was a beautiful afternoon with the sun shining brightly. Tommy and I hustled to the bus stop discussing the day’s events, the new school, odd habits of our teachers, babes in the class, and thought about the fun we had during summer break.
Crossing the highway and approaching the bus bench, we both notice a lovely girl sitting there waiting for the bus! Our lucky day we thought, poking each other in the ribs! Go figure! What were the chances of two skinny teenagers finding a goddess in the midst of this boring town? It appeared however that the gods had shined down upon us! She was going on the same bus as we were!
I looked over at Tommy, “This high school gig ….” and before I could finish Tommy interrupts “ain’t so bad after all!”
Our first objective was to dazzle this young lass and ensure that she actually understood that we, uh, I mean that I was interested. First, this girl obviously did not live in my neighborhood. My guess would have been heaven, but being hypnotized from the beauty, and stepping off the curb onto the street then being jolted back to reality with the sound of a screaming horn alerting me that I was about to be hit, I came back to earth. Thankfully, the driver was paying attention.
Getting back to reality, and realizing that she had just watched me make a fool out of myself, we approached the bench cautiously and casually as if she wasn’t there. Just another day, and another bus ride towards home.
We stood there. Me looking at Tommy and Tommy looking at me, and taking turns with motioning our heads towards the beauty and mentally telling each other to say something!
Something cool of course.
All we could muster were pokes in each other’s sides and stolen glances as any goofy teenage boy would.
With the confidence of all young boys, the closer we had come to seeing this Miss, the more we looked away. We couldn’t stare because that just wasn’t cool. We had to be careful of what we said because the wrong thing could kill the deal! Tommy and I were so busy trying to figure out what to do, that as close as we were, we had not really looked at this stunning beauty except from the distance when we were crossing the street.
What had seemed like ages ago, that passage from childhood to young adult, the summer of innocence when you realize that from now on your life’s focus will change from something other than playing the guitar and dreaming of rock stardom, surfin’ and hangin’ at the beach to more serious matters, there we stood. Rather than thinking about the next Led Zeppelin concert, or the waves, or sand between your toes, you’re thinking about your life, your career, and your future with the one that is the one you have to marry. What was wrong with me! I felt funny in my stomach.
She sat on the bus bench with her long sandy blonde hair and big blue eyes reflecting ever bit of innocence that young women hold. She could cast a spell and leave you speechless and all it took was a glance. A big smile that said hello like I have never seen. All that Tommy and I could do was act as goofy as two teenagers would when within the presence of such beauty.
I was in love and I didn’t even know it.
I didn’t even know her name.
Walking behind the bench to avoid the terror of having to sit next to this princess, it became apparent that neither Tommy nor I had the bravado to utter the least of a sentence.
How could we?
Here sat the most beautiful girl on the planet!
The planet?
No!
Obviously the galaxy and the stars were in for major competition!
We were just praying that she was from the same school and that this was not an accidental meeting. We needed her there everyday until we could work up enough courage to talk. More important, we prayed that she would say
something -- anything, that would initiate a conversation! We just wanted her to notice us! She did.
After a short while that seemed like forever, she turned and smiled.
”Hey! what does it take to get a hello out of you guys?” she said while holding her arms open as if exasperated by our silly antics.
Our eyes popped out, our jaws dropped and I am sure we were the darkest shade of red that anyone could be. Tommy and I looked at each other, then at her, and then at each other! And with the unbelievable thought.
This girl knew us!
Well, that made it a whole different set of rules! Stunned as we were, we searched our feeble memories in that obviously neither one of us would have ever had the pleasure of meeting such a lovely lass. As we stood there with our minds wandering…
“Hey it’s me-Carolyn! Hello! what’s wrong with you two?” reflecting every bit of a teenage angel that she was.
Then the epiphany. That divergence of the planets and stars when you all of a sudden realize what is happening. The moment when you comically slap your forehead and finally get it!
She’s that skinny little girl from the park! The one that you would walk home with? The one that could run faster than you? Play basketball?
Carolyn?
No Way! Can’t be!
We are talking about the love of my life, not that girl. After all, the girl I knew could run and jump with the best of the guys in the neighborhood. This gentle creature was way too soft and too pretty for that nonsense. This was a real princess, a goddess and as far as I was concerned and obviously not someone from my neighborhood.
We had all been raised in a diverse blue collar working class ethnic neighborhood. No Doctors or Lawyers, no Accountants, or College graduates. We had a diversity that was uncommon in those days. Our neighbors and friends were from Cuba, Poland, Puerto Rico, Mexico, San Salvador, or old southern families with generations in the US. It was a nice mix of culture but it was a little tough and you sometimes had to make your own way.
Our parents were mechanics, cops, construction workers, or other various industries. The town was mostly factories and manufacturing and shopping malls just didn’t exist. Some of us had whole families, others had just a mom. Some were a little better off financially, but most struggled everyday. Play time was outside unless it was raining, and even then parents had a hard time getting you inside.
One day while playing cards at a neighbors house I started to leave and heard a voice on a loud speaker telling me to “GET BACK IN THE HOUSE”. A truck carrying Brahma Bulls had overturned and had taken over the neighborhood. My friend Henry and I sat there in amazement while watching the police shoot the bulls where they stood and then directing a tractor crane load them on the back of a truck. I thought, what a cruel thing to do. Why not just get some guys on horses and round them up? Henry was a funny guy, but his brother Cesar was even more amusing. Each time they would shoot a bull, this huge creature would just flop to the ground. Cesar would wail and burying his head between his mother's breasts (that were quite large) and cry like a baby.
I lived across the street from Henry, and next door to Pete. Pete’s dad was working on this old Anglia. It was a foreign car that he had bought cheap and was trying to get it to start. He had his head buried well within the engine compartment and apparently could not hear the commotion around him. I watched him as he pulled his head from under the hood, turned and was face to face with this huge Brahma. The bull and he looked at each other for a moment, and then the bull dropped his head and pawed the dirt. I heard a snort and a scream, and Pete's dad was headed toward the fence at lightning speed. He was a heavy man and I had never thought about how fast one could move if motivated in just the right fashion.
We would run the neighborhood on our bikes for days collecting empty soda bottles. Once we had a stash, we would head to the “Little Store” owned by Emma and Mario, a brother and sister that lived in the back of the store in small apartment, exchange our bottles for the cash deposit and spend the bounty on soda, chips and candy bars. We may save some of the cash for Dave’s Drugstore and Sundries. Dave had a fountain stand inside the drugstore were we could buy French Fries and Cherry Cokes served by Lola the waitress. When we could we would race our bikes down the street were we lived and across the strip of stores where Dave had his store.
It was always a test of our “manhood” in that in our path was Carl’s gas station. His property was about a foot lower than the strip of stores and created a really cool hump connecting the properties. We would barrel around the corner as fast as we could, Carl would yell at us to slow down, and we would hit the hump as fast as out legs would peddle and instantly become airborne. At least for a few feet but to us it was a trip into space for us! There was always a challenge among us as to whom would land first. Lola would always give us an extra shot of Cherry Juice for our sodas. She was a kind lady.
We created our own games of war, cowboys and Indians, hide and seek, tag football, riding skateboards, building our own go-karts, or just riding our “custom” bikes made from pieces and parts of bikes that were given to us. No one had a new bike until one day, after entering a contest at the local gas station, the manager called my house and told me that I won a brand new bike! I don’t remember why they had a contest, but I won and that was all the mattered.
The slogan of the gas company was put a “Tiger in your tank”. The bike was gold metal flake with custom highbars and knobby wheels with a tiger skinned banana seat. Not real Tiger skin of course, but I didn’t care – I had a brand new bike and I was the King of the Hill!
We would spend our time at the local park playing basketball, or softball, or just hangin’ out. Our world was a 3 block area of friends and families and we knew that we could knock on most any door for help with a skinned knee or a drink of cold water. Except for the crazy cat lady that lived on the corner.
The world was still a safe place, (or perhaps we were just niave) and of course we thought that it would last forever. It was a great childhood and loads of friends. After a short conversation, mainly because we were too tongue tied to speak with any intelligence, thankfully the bus arrived. As we all boarded the bus, Tommy and I ran to the back of the bus. My future wife sat right up front glancing out of the corner of those blue eyes, back at the two jerks that were giggling in the backseat.
I looked at Tommy and said, “That’s it! That is the girl I am going to marry.”
It was 1969 and we were still so young, but I knew instinctively that this was it. She was the one I had to share a life together with. I knew at that point there was no longer a choice. There was no longer that option of wanting to, in love with, could there be another, maybe it is not the right time, and all the other reasons, and validations that you go through in mating process. Could this be the one? Could it be that at this young age I had found my soul mate? I still had a lifetime ahead of me.
Heck! I didn’t even have a car or a drivers license!
How could I know?
I didn’t even know what my career would be or where I would go to college!
Of course, there was still a small challenge. I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew exactly what I had found. The challenge was that I still had to convince her that she was the one for me. She may be lovely, but it was a fairly sure bet that she could not read minds. So it began.
The next day, and then the next-me, trying to build up enough courage to just ask her for a date. The same girl that I had known for the last 4 years. The same girl that I shared a soda while sitting on a swing at the park, had all of a sudden become like the setting sun of last summer – you could see it, you could feel it’s presence, but it was going away fast beyond the horizon and out of your reach.
I thought, “OK. This is not hard and I can do it.”
We had played ball, shot hoops, walked home, I knew her family. What was the big deal? I took a deep breath and looked at her and with all the courage I could find,
“So how was your day?” I SCREAMED at me inside my feeble mind!
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
I could not muster the courage to ask her to a movie! Such beauty, such loveliness.
After a lot casual conversation, and my trying to act cool, she confesses without me asking that she had a boyfriend for a while and was just not interested in dating. Anyone!
ANYONE?
I thought as my brain raced for something to say!
I was crushed. My hopes had been abandoned. The sun has set. Here is the girl that I have to marry and she is not the slightest bit interested in me! I guess that the good news was that she was not interested in anyone else. So at least once a week I tried.
Just a movie?
Nothing serious!
Maybe a pizza?
Heck! We were friends before all this!
I would stop by her house, only to be told by her sister that “Carolyn wasn’t home. “
She was.
Hiding behind the door, looking through the frame to see my face of disappointment. Giggling as the door closed. But I knew and I would not give up and secretly she hoped that I would not as well.
Each day we would meet at the bus stop. Each day I would muster the courage to chat.
Unknowingly, each day we became friends again and grew a little closer. After what seemed an eternity;
A movie, a pizza, a soda, a shared laugh. Just friends.
It took a year of cautious affection. Wanting so badly to press my lips against hers. A passion burning that would not stop knowing that one day we would be together. The “dating” became more and more frequent. The friendship became stronger. The love grew in both of us. We held hands.
We walked.
We talked.
We held hands.
We kissed.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months to years. We graduated high school, and we dated off and on. There were others in between, but nothing serious. How could there be? Before long we would date and not long after there was no one else that we wanted to be with.
It had been steady for a long time, and I thought that it was about time to settle. We had both sown our oats, so to speak, experienced life as it was, and remained friends all this time. I picked a time, a spot, a special place. We didn’t have much money and our parents had less. But we were in love and it didn’t really matter.
She worked for and lived with an old man named Henry Martin. Her mom watched over him during the day, and Carolyn would care for him each night. He owned a large two story home and could no longer climb the stairs. Carolyn stayed in the upper floors and Mr. Martin had a small room downstairs converted to a bedroom. A kinder gentleman we will never meet again.
He was born in sometime around 1880 and grew up in the north. He moved to Florida as a pioneer and started Martin Hardware in the early days of near 1910. The city was just being born, and he was there to share in it’s start. The business grew and became a wealthy man. He married Mildred many years before, and his only child Bethany died in a car crash while returning home for Spring Break in 1952. He had a hand painted portrait of Bethany above the mantle at the fire place and I always thought that it struck an eerie resemblance to my future wife. Carolyn and I would sit for hours each night with Mr. Martin watching TV or talking of old times. He was a fascinating man with a rich history to share. I enjoyed my time with him.
The one thing I learned from Mr. Martin was that you may be alone, but you never have to be lonely. I know that he missed his wife and daughter terribly, and I can’t imagine losing your child. But this man of resolute character never faltered and to this day my thoughts of him are an inspiration and courage.
He was there for our wedding-a wedding that would not have been possible if it weren’t for his love and generosity. He was a kind man and he is remembered well.
If there is a point to this story it is that dreams do come true. Sometimes they don’t always have a happy ending, and my hope is that you will be in love for all of your life. There were times over this relationship when it was very dark, but eventually, the sun would rise again. Over the years we have learned some very valuable secrets;
You need to be friends.
Anger is a wasted emotion
Yelling will not solve anything unless you are calling someone for dinner.
No one ever wins an argument.
In marriage there are no wins and loses – no one keeps score.
There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Understand your motivation.
You are not perfect.
Never lie, Never cheat, and only steal her/his heart and kisses.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep without a kiss goodnight.
Always hold hands no matter where you go or how old you are.
The 3 most powerful words – I need you.
Be the first to admit you are wrong.
I had spent the last of the dog days of summer with Tommy and Pete exploring the neighborhood, surfing the beaches and just hangin’ in the Keys. Our last summer sun of innocence was extending beyond the horizon and out of our touch and for the last time, bidding farewell to our youth. The summer sun, where they learned about life, love, surfin’, and hangin’ had set for the last time and without warning it was gone. Pete was heading to Portugal to study for a medical career as a Doctor. He was a couple of years older than Tommy and I and it was as his parents wished. Tommy and I were about learn that there was more to life than surfboards, tans, long stretches of beach and cute girls in bikinis.
It was the time of culmination. The certainty of youth merging at an unrelenting pace towards the unrelenting reality of adulthood. We were in a time of opportunity that the world would probably never see again. We had come busting through the 50’s, and survived the turbulent 60’s. We watched the British invasion with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Survived Woodstock with Hendrix, Joplin and so many others that have left us with just their songs. We watched as President Kennedy was shot in Dallas and cried with the First Lady. We witnessed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. speak of the prayer of coexistence of all races, all religions, and all cultures and only then would we know true freedom. We watched intently as Apollo 11 landed on the moon. The first lunar landing. Sadly, we lost too many of our loved ones in the Vietnam War. We had grown through the decades and the curtain was closing on the 70’s. It was time to move on. Some of our heroes and legends followed us, others remain forever in our memories.
We were growing up, as they say, in what would be a flash of time, high school would be gone, childhood lost, and innocence abandoned. Our lives were about to change forever. On to college, on to careers, or on to work at the burger counter. It was our choice. But there they were, two friends that swore allegiance to friendship forever finishing up our first day and headed to the bus bench and back to home.
It was a beautiful afternoon with the sun shining brightly. Tommy and I hustled to the bus stop discussing the day’s events, the new school, odd habits of our teachers, babes in the class, and thought about the fun we had during summer break.
Crossing the highway and approaching the bus bench, we both notice a lovely girl sitting there waiting for the bus! Our lucky day we thought, poking each other in the ribs! Go figure! What were the chances of two skinny teenagers finding a goddess in the midst of this boring town? It appeared however that the gods had shined down upon us! She was going on the same bus as we were!
I looked over at Tommy, “This high school gig ….” and before I could finish Tommy interrupts “ain’t so bad after all!”
Our first objective was to dazzle this young lass and ensure that she actually understood that we, uh, I mean that I was interested. First, this girl obviously did not live in my neighborhood. My guess would have been heaven, but being hypnotized from the beauty, and stepping off the curb onto the street then being jolted back to reality with the sound of a screaming horn alerting me that I was about to be hit, I came back to earth. Thankfully, the driver was paying attention.
Getting back to reality, and realizing that she had just watched me make a fool out of myself, we approached the bench cautiously and casually as if she wasn’t there. Just another day, and another bus ride towards home.
We stood there. Me looking at Tommy and Tommy looking at me, and taking turns with motioning our heads towards the beauty and mentally telling each other to say something!
Something cool of course.
All we could muster were pokes in each other’s sides and stolen glances as any goofy teenage boy would.
With the confidence of all young boys, the closer we had come to seeing this Miss, the more we looked away. We couldn’t stare because that just wasn’t cool. We had to be careful of what we said because the wrong thing could kill the deal! Tommy and I were so busy trying to figure out what to do, that as close as we were, we had not really looked at this stunning beauty except from the distance when we were crossing the street.
What had seemed like ages ago, that passage from childhood to young adult, the summer of innocence when you realize that from now on your life’s focus will change from something other than playing the guitar and dreaming of rock stardom, surfin’ and hangin’ at the beach to more serious matters, there we stood. Rather than thinking about the next Led Zeppelin concert, or the waves, or sand between your toes, you’re thinking about your life, your career, and your future with the one that is the one you have to marry. What was wrong with me! I felt funny in my stomach.
She sat on the bus bench with her long sandy blonde hair and big blue eyes reflecting ever bit of innocence that young women hold. She could cast a spell and leave you speechless and all it took was a glance. A big smile that said hello like I have never seen. All that Tommy and I could do was act as goofy as two teenagers would when within the presence of such beauty.
I was in love and I didn’t even know it.
I didn’t even know her name.
Walking behind the bench to avoid the terror of having to sit next to this princess, it became apparent that neither Tommy nor I had the bravado to utter the least of a sentence.
How could we?
Here sat the most beautiful girl on the planet!
The planet?
No!
Obviously the galaxy and the stars were in for major competition!
We were just praying that she was from the same school and that this was not an accidental meeting. We needed her there everyday until we could work up enough courage to talk. More important, we prayed that she would say
something -- anything, that would initiate a conversation! We just wanted her to notice us! She did.
After a short while that seemed like forever, she turned and smiled.
”Hey! what does it take to get a hello out of you guys?” she said while holding her arms open as if exasperated by our silly antics.
Our eyes popped out, our jaws dropped and I am sure we were the darkest shade of red that anyone could be. Tommy and I looked at each other, then at her, and then at each other! And with the unbelievable thought.
This girl knew us!
Well, that made it a whole different set of rules! Stunned as we were, we searched our feeble memories in that obviously neither one of us would have ever had the pleasure of meeting such a lovely lass. As we stood there with our minds wandering…
“Hey it’s me-Carolyn! Hello! what’s wrong with you two?” reflecting every bit of a teenage angel that she was.
Then the epiphany. That divergence of the planets and stars when you all of a sudden realize what is happening. The moment when you comically slap your forehead and finally get it!
She’s that skinny little girl from the park! The one that you would walk home with? The one that could run faster than you? Play basketball?
Carolyn?
No Way! Can’t be!
We are talking about the love of my life, not that girl. After all, the girl I knew could run and jump with the best of the guys in the neighborhood. This gentle creature was way too soft and too pretty for that nonsense. This was a real princess, a goddess and as far as I was concerned and obviously not someone from my neighborhood.
We had all been raised in a diverse blue collar working class ethnic neighborhood. No Doctors or Lawyers, no Accountants, or College graduates. We had a diversity that was uncommon in those days. Our neighbors and friends were from Cuba, Poland, Puerto Rico, Mexico, San Salvador, or old southern families with generations in the US. It was a nice mix of culture but it was a little tough and you sometimes had to make your own way.
Our parents were mechanics, cops, construction workers, or other various industries. The town was mostly factories and manufacturing and shopping malls just didn’t exist. Some of us had whole families, others had just a mom. Some were a little better off financially, but most struggled everyday. Play time was outside unless it was raining, and even then parents had a hard time getting you inside.
One day while playing cards at a neighbors house I started to leave and heard a voice on a loud speaker telling me to “GET BACK IN THE HOUSE”. A truck carrying Brahma Bulls had overturned and had taken over the neighborhood. My friend Henry and I sat there in amazement while watching the police shoot the bulls where they stood and then directing a tractor crane load them on the back of a truck. I thought, what a cruel thing to do. Why not just get some guys on horses and round them up? Henry was a funny guy, but his brother Cesar was even more amusing. Each time they would shoot a bull, this huge creature would just flop to the ground. Cesar would wail and burying his head between his mother's breasts (that were quite large) and cry like a baby.
I lived across the street from Henry, and next door to Pete. Pete’s dad was working on this old Anglia. It was a foreign car that he had bought cheap and was trying to get it to start. He had his head buried well within the engine compartment and apparently could not hear the commotion around him. I watched him as he pulled his head from under the hood, turned and was face to face with this huge Brahma. The bull and he looked at each other for a moment, and then the bull dropped his head and pawed the dirt. I heard a snort and a scream, and Pete's dad was headed toward the fence at lightning speed. He was a heavy man and I had never thought about how fast one could move if motivated in just the right fashion.
We would run the neighborhood on our bikes for days collecting empty soda bottles. Once we had a stash, we would head to the “Little Store” owned by Emma and Mario, a brother and sister that lived in the back of the store in small apartment, exchange our bottles for the cash deposit and spend the bounty on soda, chips and candy bars. We may save some of the cash for Dave’s Drugstore and Sundries. Dave had a fountain stand inside the drugstore were we could buy French Fries and Cherry Cokes served by Lola the waitress. When we could we would race our bikes down the street were we lived and across the strip of stores where Dave had his store.
It was always a test of our “manhood” in that in our path was Carl’s gas station. His property was about a foot lower than the strip of stores and created a really cool hump connecting the properties. We would barrel around the corner as fast as we could, Carl would yell at us to slow down, and we would hit the hump as fast as out legs would peddle and instantly become airborne. At least for a few feet but to us it was a trip into space for us! There was always a challenge among us as to whom would land first. Lola would always give us an extra shot of Cherry Juice for our sodas. She was a kind lady.
We created our own games of war, cowboys and Indians, hide and seek, tag football, riding skateboards, building our own go-karts, or just riding our “custom” bikes made from pieces and parts of bikes that were given to us. No one had a new bike until one day, after entering a contest at the local gas station, the manager called my house and told me that I won a brand new bike! I don’t remember why they had a contest, but I won and that was all the mattered.
The slogan of the gas company was put a “Tiger in your tank”. The bike was gold metal flake with custom highbars and knobby wheels with a tiger skinned banana seat. Not real Tiger skin of course, but I didn’t care – I had a brand new bike and I was the King of the Hill!
We would spend our time at the local park playing basketball, or softball, or just hangin’ out. Our world was a 3 block area of friends and families and we knew that we could knock on most any door for help with a skinned knee or a drink of cold water. Except for the crazy cat lady that lived on the corner.
The world was still a safe place, (or perhaps we were just niave) and of course we thought that it would last forever. It was a great childhood and loads of friends. After a short conversation, mainly because we were too tongue tied to speak with any intelligence, thankfully the bus arrived. As we all boarded the bus, Tommy and I ran to the back of the bus. My future wife sat right up front glancing out of the corner of those blue eyes, back at the two jerks that were giggling in the backseat.
I looked at Tommy and said, “That’s it! That is the girl I am going to marry.”
It was 1969 and we were still so young, but I knew instinctively that this was it. She was the one I had to share a life together with. I knew at that point there was no longer a choice. There was no longer that option of wanting to, in love with, could there be another, maybe it is not the right time, and all the other reasons, and validations that you go through in mating process. Could this be the one? Could it be that at this young age I had found my soul mate? I still had a lifetime ahead of me.
Heck! I didn’t even have a car or a drivers license!
How could I know?
I didn’t even know what my career would be or where I would go to college!
Of course, there was still a small challenge. I knew exactly what I wanted. I knew exactly what I had found. The challenge was that I still had to convince her that she was the one for me. She may be lovely, but it was a fairly sure bet that she could not read minds. So it began.
The next day, and then the next-me, trying to build up enough courage to just ask her for a date. The same girl that I had known for the last 4 years. The same girl that I shared a soda while sitting on a swing at the park, had all of a sudden become like the setting sun of last summer – you could see it, you could feel it’s presence, but it was going away fast beyond the horizon and out of your reach.
I thought, “OK. This is not hard and I can do it.”
We had played ball, shot hoops, walked home, I knew her family. What was the big deal? I took a deep breath and looked at her and with all the courage I could find,
“So how was your day?” I SCREAMED at me inside my feeble mind!
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
I could not muster the courage to ask her to a movie! Such beauty, such loveliness.
After a lot casual conversation, and my trying to act cool, she confesses without me asking that she had a boyfriend for a while and was just not interested in dating. Anyone!
ANYONE?
I thought as my brain raced for something to say!
I was crushed. My hopes had been abandoned. The sun has set. Here is the girl that I have to marry and she is not the slightest bit interested in me! I guess that the good news was that she was not interested in anyone else. So at least once a week I tried.
Just a movie?
Nothing serious!
Maybe a pizza?
Heck! We were friends before all this!
I would stop by her house, only to be told by her sister that “Carolyn wasn’t home. “
She was.
Hiding behind the door, looking through the frame to see my face of disappointment. Giggling as the door closed. But I knew and I would not give up and secretly she hoped that I would not as well.
Each day we would meet at the bus stop. Each day I would muster the courage to chat.
Unknowingly, each day we became friends again and grew a little closer. After what seemed an eternity;
A movie, a pizza, a soda, a shared laugh. Just friends.
It took a year of cautious affection. Wanting so badly to press my lips against hers. A passion burning that would not stop knowing that one day we would be together. The “dating” became more and more frequent. The friendship became stronger. The love grew in both of us. We held hands.
We walked.
We talked.
We held hands.
We kissed.
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months to years. We graduated high school, and we dated off and on. There were others in between, but nothing serious. How could there be? Before long we would date and not long after there was no one else that we wanted to be with.
It had been steady for a long time, and I thought that it was about time to settle. We had both sown our oats, so to speak, experienced life as it was, and remained friends all this time. I picked a time, a spot, a special place. We didn’t have much money and our parents had less. But we were in love and it didn’t really matter.
She worked for and lived with an old man named Henry Martin. Her mom watched over him during the day, and Carolyn would care for him each night. He owned a large two story home and could no longer climb the stairs. Carolyn stayed in the upper floors and Mr. Martin had a small room downstairs converted to a bedroom. A kinder gentleman we will never meet again.
He was born in sometime around 1880 and grew up in the north. He moved to Florida as a pioneer and started Martin Hardware in the early days of near 1910. The city was just being born, and he was there to share in it’s start. The business grew and became a wealthy man. He married Mildred many years before, and his only child Bethany died in a car crash while returning home for Spring Break in 1952. He had a hand painted portrait of Bethany above the mantle at the fire place and I always thought that it struck an eerie resemblance to my future wife. Carolyn and I would sit for hours each night with Mr. Martin watching TV or talking of old times. He was a fascinating man with a rich history to share. I enjoyed my time with him.
The one thing I learned from Mr. Martin was that you may be alone, but you never have to be lonely. I know that he missed his wife and daughter terribly, and I can’t imagine losing your child. But this man of resolute character never faltered and to this day my thoughts of him are an inspiration and courage.
He was there for our wedding-a wedding that would not have been possible if it weren’t for his love and generosity. He was a kind man and he is remembered well.
If there is a point to this story it is that dreams do come true. Sometimes they don’t always have a happy ending, and my hope is that you will be in love for all of your life. There were times over this relationship when it was very dark, but eventually, the sun would rise again. Over the years we have learned some very valuable secrets;
You need to be friends.
Anger is a wasted emotion
Yelling will not solve anything unless you are calling someone for dinner.
No one ever wins an argument.
In marriage there are no wins and loses – no one keeps score.
There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Understand your motivation.
You are not perfect.
Never lie, Never cheat, and only steal her/his heart and kisses.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep without a kiss goodnight.
Always hold hands no matter where you go or how old you are.
The 3 most powerful words – I need you.
Be the first to admit you are wrong.
posted by Steven LaBree | 2:54 PM
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